I've developed a technique to help work through inner conflicts.
When I feel what I call "stuckness" there are often two important things or themes in my life that seem at odds. In exploring these, I usually find that there are core values in my experience of each theme that I've been unconsciously assuming are incompatible. I tend to experience this incompatibility as internal conflict, and over the years I've come to view conflict as a process of values seeking integration.
The specific technique works like this: first I consider the situation a while and try to identify what feels like the two "sides" involved. Then I get things to write with. I create two side-by-side boxes. I label the left box "Conflicting Value #1:" and the right box "Conflicting Value #2:". I name a value next to each label that feels likely to underpin my needs related to one of the "sides". Then I list basic facts of the situation underneath each heading, framed in terms of the above value. These facts can be external or internal aspects, and the idea is to present them as authentically and neutrally as possible while still connecting to the specific related value. Once I've listed everything I have space for I tend to feel a bit confused, wondering "how did I get here?". At this point I have what I need to reconsider the specific occurrence that led to me feeling this sense of conflict. I make another area where I list contextual factors and events that have led me to this place, including specific catalysts for this particular moment of distress. Finally, with all of this material supporting me I create a final section called "options for next steps" where I brainstorm my possibilities for action. Overall, I find this exercise helps me integrate my values through purposeful action.
I offer this tool as a guided technique in my one-on-one services to individuals. I introduce the exercise and offer the opportunity to talk through how each step works. At the end the client can leave with a tangible record of the full process, written in their terms.
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